What am I?

I woke up early this morning, on a weekday where I didn't have to go in to work... so much for lying in!  When my body wakes me up in the morning (usually a bit before the alarm is set to go off), it is usually running through some thoughts (some trivial, some not-so) and today was no different.  Today's thoughts were a bit deeper than usual -- and is reflected in this post's title -- what am I?

The nice thing about categories is that they provide nice and neat little pigeon-holes in which to compartmentalise things.  The bad part about categories is that that they provide nice and neat little pigeon-holes in which to compartmentalise things, especially in my case.  I have never been one to fit nicely in any single "box" and here is no different.  Before I get to the categories, though, I need to stress that this is an exercise in the gender expression dimension, which is nearly always independent of sexual identity.

Am I Male?  While this is the gender I was assigned on my birth certificate, this box is too constricting to allow for the existence of my Arianwen persona.  While Arianwen is mostly an electronic artrifice, she will not always constricted to this realm.  While I do enjoy most of the perquisites of being born and raised as a male, there are parts of being part of this club, especially in the area of socialisation, which can and should be drastically changed: men don't cry in public; aggressive behavior is the norm/expected; etc.

Am I Female?  While this gender marker is not written on my birth certificate, it is the wall between the male/female divide which I find too constricting.  While there are times I would like to wear a dress in public, put on makeup, and even bring forth a living being from within my womb (not so much anymore, as I am getting too old for that now), I am resigned to the fact that this is a path denied to me by being born male.  While there are times which I wish I had been born female, there are a lot others where I am happy not to have been.

Am I a Cross-Dresser? For this discussion here, I am going to define a cross-dresser as someone who wears the clothing opposite of their birth gender (forcing this to be a bi-polar, either/or situation), irrespective of motivation. While I do have a collection of both men's and women's clothing, and I do put on the women's clothing only on an occasional basis, clothing is but a single dimension/layer to what Arianwen is; in other words, wearing women's clothing is not a terminal destination in Arianwen's expression, but (pardon the slight pun here) is only the outward and superficial layer of who she/I is/am.  This single category is too limiting as to how I define myself to myself, and am trying to share with others via these blog posts.

Am I Transsexual?  I am defining Transsexual as a person whose terminal goal is to alter their physical appearance so that it is superficially reflecting the genitalia opposite of their birth gender.  Most of the experiences I have read over time for those who have chosen this route (almost exclusively MtF, not FtM) have expressed a deep dissatisfaction and/or hatred of their genitalia and feel a strong need to remove them.  While I have never felt that my male genitalia were hated and/or wrong for me, I frequently have the feeling that something is missing.  One of the problems with this term is the inference that there is a desired "switch" from one form to the other, and this dichotomy is part of the problem -- either/or is not my situation, but it is more along the lines of both.

Am I Transgendered?  While this category may be the closest fit, when the term is broken down into its constituent parts, the "trans" part indicates a change or switch from one state to another.  Furthermore, the societal inference in the use of this term indicates a high degree of permanence.  My internal gender is not one where I feel that I am stuck on one side and yearn to being on the other side forever.  Once again, the problem here is once again the either/or scenario, so this term does not work for me either.

What am I, then?  I am all of the above collectively and none of them exclusively.  While I did come across an article using the term Polygendered, I didn't feel that this was close enough to how I feel.  For lack of a more commonly used term, I will settle on the term, "Omnigendered."  My use of this term is a rejection of the bi-polar dichotomy in the terms prevalent today without disparaging those who closely hold to any of those terms for themselves.